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Are you going to marry a Vietnamese man or woman? Did you just receive an invitation to join the ceremony of your friend’s wedding in Ho Chi Minh City? If yes, you will need to have a little knowledge under your belt before the wedding ceremony. If you want to know more about the customs and ceremonies in the biggest city of Vietnam, this article is for you.

Lovely couple on their wedding day

In the past, every wedding included six main ceremonies held on different days. Nowadays, as time and culture have evolved, there are three main ceremonies which happen on the same day.

The Three Ceremonies

Le dam ngo (Permission ceremony)

This ceremony is an official meeting between the two families of the couple. On a beautiful day, the man and his family will bring traditional gifts such as betel and areca nuts, fruit, and sweet treats to the bride’s house. These gifts must be presented in even numbers. The parents of the groom will pray in front of the altar of the bride’s ancestors, then ask her parents for permission to allow their children to date. And yes, this is just a formal ceremony to ask for the bride-to-be’s in hand…dating!

This ceremony happens because of the arranged marriages of the past. In the past, the groom and bride didn’t know each other so this represented their first formal meeting. The ceremony is now just a procedural event to honor these customs. The two families will get together for an intimate meal and they might talk about how to host the wedding. This typically happens a few months before the wedding. In some cases, it can also be hosted one to two years before the betrothal ceremony.

Le an hoi (Betrothal ceremony)

The betrothal ceremony is an official marriage announcement given by the families to their friends and relatives. The woman is presented as the fiancee of the man, and the man is accepted as a family member. He can now call the parents of the woman “mother and father”.

To simplify the wedding, le an hoi is now held on the morning of the wedding

Le an hoi used to occur before the actual wedding. However, to simplify the wedding, it is now held on the morning of the wedding. Family, relatives, and close friends of the groom and bride will join this important ceremony.  

In the South, the groom’s family has to prepare gift boxes in even numbers. In both regions, the girl’s family decides the number of feasts for the wedding as well as the gifts. Usually, the gifts will be wine, tea, betel leaves, a couple of candles, fruit, wedding pies, a full roasted pig, a traditional wedding dress, and more.

The outfit

The happy couple and friends

At the ceremony, the bride will wear the traditional ao dai, normally in a bright color like red or gold while the groom can either wear an ao dai or a suit. The friends and family that carry the red gift boxes will also traditionally wear an ao dai for the ladies and a shirt and pants for the men. Apart from that, the guests can either wear an ao dai or formal clothing.

The ceremony script  

The most common question that most of my foreigner friends ask me when we accept an invitation to join the ceremony team is: “What will I do?” I usually tell them to “go with the flow” because there will always be someone to guide you. However, if you want to know about the ceremony script in advance to have some ideas about what is going to happen, well, here you go!

The wedding car

In the morning of the betrothal ceremony, the groom and his team (including the family members, relatives and friends) will bring all of the red-covered gift boxes to the bride’s house. The group will be lead by grandparents and parents, followed by the groom, the ceremony team and other people. When they arrive, one person from the bride’s team will greet them in front of the flower gate to receive the gifts and invite the family to enter the house. This is also when the ceremony team of the groom will hand the red gift boxes to the bride’s ceremony team. These ladies will bring the gifts inside, place them on the table in front of the ancestor’s altar, and return outside.

The groom and his team (including the family members, relatives and friends) will bring all of the red-covered gift boxes to the bride’s house.

Then, both the bride and groom’s family will take turns introducing each member of the family. The representative of the groom’s family (usually the groom’s grandfather or father) will make a speech about the reason why they gather there and talk about the gifts to the bride’s family. The representative of the bride will say thank you and accept the gifts. Then, the gift boxes will be opened.

The bride’s father greating the groom and his family.

After these procedures, the bride’s mother will walk her daughter to the ceremony room and hand her over to the groom. Now the tea ceremony begins. The groom will pour tea into a small cup and the married couple will offer tea to the wedding host (or the matchmaker) and the bride’s representative. Next, the bride’s mother will choose a few gifts and make offerings to the altar. The groom and bride kowtow to the ancestors to pray for happiness and luck for their marriage. Then comes the gift-giving ceremony, the groom or his mother will wear earrings for the bride. Earrings are considered an important engagement gift for every wedding. Other family members will also give the bride other jewelry such as necklaces, bracelets, and money. But this is optional.

the bride’s mother will walk her daughter to the ceremony room and hand her over to the groom

Finally, the bride’s family will divide the wedding gifts into two parts and send it back to the groom’s family. Those in charge of distributing the gifts must do it by hand and not use a knife or scissors. He/she will also place the box cover upside down. The ceremony ladies will hand it back to the groom and all of them will stand in two lines in front of the house. The groom and bride will give them a red envelope with money inside to show their gratitude as well as send the ceremony team luck to find their other halves.